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Talk:Acamarian
Viewscreen images Some data about the Acamarians, the two rivaling clans and Penthor-Mul was seen on several viewscreens during the episode. I'll upload them here. Image 1 HISTORY FILE 96346 TRALESTA MASSACRE After the battle XXXXXXX of 43075-17 the Lornak Clan mounted a series of offensives against XXXXXXXXXXX Trelestans military force accepted by the Tralesta and the T'Bron clans. The Spring of 4321 brought a series of violent reprisals against the population center near TamXXXXX City's xxx x xxxxxx the already delicate balance of the region. In a XXXXX new recieved in XX cases or inaccurate estimates of Tralesta offensive capability. The Lornak mounted a preemptive military action against the Tralesta homeland. The attack was particularly brutal because of the extensive use of chemical and biological xxxxxxx xxxxx xxxxxxxx xx xxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxx of the Tralesta Clan. See also file 678821 So much of this is a guess, I wouldn't depend on it. --Aurelius Kirk 03:43, 17 February 2006 (UTC) Image 2 Image 3 PENTHAR MUL BORN - 4321 Lornak City PARENTS - Poltho Mul / Preger Mul DIED - 4627 Cause of Death Cardiac Arrest CLAN AFFILIATION - Clans of Lornak OTHER - The special security files 867-4734234 and XXX-4xxXX4425 are arrest records and judicial proceedings. My best guess. --Aurelius Kirk 02:05, 17 February 2006 (UTC) Image 4 DEATH RECORDS ARCHIVES DCID-6253 CCMS PENTHOR MUL Died 4277 - cause of death: cardiac arrest - autopsy inconclusive due to lack of cardiac muscle in XXXXXation or arterial XXXXXXXX Best I can manage from the relevant entry. --Aurelius Kirk 02:57, 17 February 2006 (UTC) Summary of my (rather significant) changes I made quite a few significant stylistic changes (vis-á-vis substantive). These include, inter alia, (sorry; had get some Latin in there along with the French. I'm so dumb/pretentious. *_*): * POV: present to past * "Grammar" (if you believe English has one): eg, removed unnecessary words * Prose/style: fewer difficult passive-voice phrases * Dubious fact removal: do we know for certain they're native to the Alpa Q.? If so, please add it back in, perhaps with an explanation of why we know that. * And one substantive: inserted note about the difficulties encountered when an assassination attempt nearly derailed the peace talks. Oh, one more: * Alluded to the fact that not all members of that one clan were killed (a line survived to take revenge). I called it the "perceived" destruction, but I don't like that phrasing. And we can't say just one survived – how else would the line survive? Or am I mixing up things? Maybe they used asexual reproduction or lived very long and could appear youthful. ? It could definitely use more intrawiki links. And one phrase especially bothers me: the one about blood chemistry. I removed the word "odd" from the description of their blood makeup (who decides what is "odd" blood? Seems too human-centric.), but I didn't want to use the word "blood" twice in one sentence. I thus changed the link "blood chemistry" to the piped "chemistry." Please fix that poor phrasing. ;) I'm too lazy, and it needs fresh eyes. (Edit note: please see addendum below) Other than that, I kept the essence intact. Still, please wholescale revert if you like: it won't offend me. --[[User:Cepstrum|'Cepstrum']] (talk) 12:51, November 20, 2010 (UTC) Addendum: "blood chemistry link" gaffe Note: this is largely moot now. See next "addendum", please. I just discovered blood chemistry isn't an article but re-directs to blood. Oops. Now the "blood sentence" ''really must change. --[[User:Cepstrum|'Cepstrum']] (talk) 12:58, November 20, 2010 (UTC) Addendum II: Blood and vagueness I "fixed" the sentence about the blood. But I have some questions about canon facts and vagueness regarding this phrase, which was left-over from a previous version. It states : blood composition was a rarity in their part of the galaxy. * Do no other species around, eg, have iron-based blood? And what does it mean? After all, humans have iron-rich blood. * "Their part of the galaxy"? What does that mean? Their quadrant? Their sector? Solar system? It seems quite vague, unless, of course, someone stated it that way in the episode (such as the CMO or Data when doing an autopsy on the dead man). --[[User:Cepstrum|'Cepstrum']] (talk) 13:42, November 20, 2010 (UTC)